I’m literally shaken. I’m thankful to be alive. But I probably shouldn’t be. Why can’t I stop shaking? Why am I crying? This didn’t happen to me… but it could have. I walked away from that life. I’m 23 days sober. And now it’s all flooding back into my head. Dam. Kyle. King. Jack. Mistakes. […]
Less than five months into our relationship, Jack and I experienced the most intense moments of each others lives — in all facets of daily addiction. Intense emotion. Intense pain. Intense arguing. Intense sex. Intense love. And intense hurt.
Never did I expect anything like what we’ve been through. It’s a reality once unfathomable for myself to be in.
But that’s what hard drugs do. They ruin lives, minds, and bodies. We were lucky to catch ourselves now rather than later. But it’s only the beginning to an ongoing, internal battle of heart versus head versus meth. Versus heroin.
Written by Jack after I called the cops on him – after an intense argument we shared per a Snapchat video sent to my phone while I was asleep. Apparently some kid from my work location sent me, for the first time ever, a video of himself jacking off. So the jacking jokester caused my poor, drugged out, self-sleep deprived Jack to fly off the hinges.
Time for another episode of kick the whore when she’s down.
Oh, my Jack.
He was my knight in shimmering armour… My trap-house savior.
This one is still a fresh wound. I lost him. We lost each other. It was the most intense relationship of my life. I love him still. He hates me. As he should.
In all honesty, if I had the option to go back in time and do it all over again… no changing reality needed- because if I know I will get to feel that lavish pout of his upon my lips again, I will instantly orgasm. And probably make a fool at myself for how much I’d be smiling behind our embrace.
I’d do anything for that opportunity. Even if it was to just say a proper goodbye… I’d run my fingers through his soft, Justin-Bieber-esque hair… And I’d breathe in his aroma, deeply inside of me… Where I always wish he would be.
Diaries of a Former Meth Whore. 