March 8, 2020 I want to talk about how I feel, but words are difficult to comprise. All I know for sure are the visions playing on repeat- projected on the back of my eyelids. Memories of my sickly, malnourished body with wishes of looking that way again. Even though my face was sore-ridden and […]
Directing his eyes in my direction, only to feel unseen. Seemingly drenched with invisibility Such visions once aroused diminished entirely. No blame to be given for it’s all on me. Worth never to exist internally Resulting from permanent searches proving Love, pain, and humans change constantly. Proof repeated, I’m easy to leave. Cheek flushed, turned […]
February 17, 2020 My brain is really showing its sickness right now. For some reason the AA open discussion topic last night of hitting rock bottom experiences… really brought some fog into my thoughts. Here I am with the wind tunnel on full blast attempting to keep my mind clear, and panes of glass appear […]
Thoughts scream and attempt to claw their way out from the inside of my skull. Such lacerations affect my whole body existing in a constant daze. My eye lids beg to be sewn shut. Taste buds seemingly pull from memory the agonizing bliss of liquors I should never guzzle again. My throat seems to reminisce […]
I have so much that I have wanted to say in the last couple days. Per usual, words escape me when I begin a new post, unless I’ve written down any of the shitshow playing through my head through the day. Every struggle is prolific. These confusing realizations steam up my always-dirty glasses with rancid, […]
I’ve gained 20 pounds. 193. I swore I’d never reach 200 again. This factor alone is enough for me to seek meth again. I thought my counselor cared. After seeing him only 10 minutes… I’m not so sure. He told me I’m extremely intelligent and my life is going to go one of two ways […]
Wrote a lot the day before my detox discharge. An anxious mind may ramble, but what are the true contents? Apprehensive hopefulness.
Seriously, I just wanted to not be constipated anymore.
Third night into my third detox attempt.
It’s been a month since I’ve posted. Mainly because I had laser focus on making moves that I feverishly craved fairytale endings to. Lifelong fantasies of being the Princess… I’m far from it. Prince Charming does exist, but this unforgiving universe is the Ugly Bitch of an Evil Queen. She sees excitement frolicking with hope and […]
Diaries of a Former Meth Whore. 