Earlier this week I got a text that shook me. “Lumi died.” I immediately went to Facebook only to have it confirmed by the beginnings of a flood of love and condolences by the many that she knew. Lumi had succumbed to the serious physical illnesses that began to plague her body in the last […]
Man. I thought I had some wildly vivid dreams during pregnancy. But they are nothing compared to these postpartum dreams. Dreams these days affect me physically- I can literally feel what’s happening during and after I wake. Currently my daughter is on a 2.5/3 hour sleep schedule through the night. So that means I am […]
It is about time I get some heavy shit off of my chest. I know it has been a while since I’ve last posted. And honestly I don’t care if one person reads this – I just have to let these thoughts go somewhere besides the repetitious loop of my head. This is going to […]
Depression. Its plugging up your laptop to write it out and not touching it until a week later. Its isolating yourself from your favorite people due to fear of rejection. Am I annoying them with my sadness? Am I bothering them? Do they even really like me? Am I going to disappoint them by not […]
Allow me to give you so many reasons to never touch meth.
March 8, 2020 I want to talk about how I feel, but words are difficult to comprise. All I know for sure are the visions playing on repeat- projected on the back of my eyelids. Memories of my sickly, malnourished body with wishes of looking that way again. Even though my face was sore-ridden and […]
Directing his eyes in my direction, only to feel unseen. Seemingly drenched with invisibility Such visions once aroused diminished entirely. No blame to be given for it’s all on me. Worth never to exist internally Resulting from permanent searches proving Love, pain, and humans change constantly. Proof repeated, I’m easy to leave. Cheek flushed, turned […]
I have so much that I have wanted to say in the last couple days. Per usual, words escape me when I begin a new post, unless I’ve written down any of the shitshow playing through my head through the day. Every struggle is prolific. These confusing realizations steam up my always-dirty glasses with rancid, […]
I’ve gained 20 pounds. 193. I swore I’d never reach 200 again. This factor alone is enough for me to seek meth again. I thought my counselor cared. After seeing him only 10 minutes… I’m not so sure. He told me I’m extremely intelligent and my life is going to go one of two ways […]
Here are some thoughts that were running through my head during group today. I was working on a longer blog this morning, so more will come tonight. Hold me to it. December 13, 2019 Who thinks it is cool to die from meth? From addiction, self-sabotage, pressing the “destruction” button on life? Me. That’s a […]
Diaries of a Former Meth Whore. 