I. Am. Rejoicing!

My daughter’s DNA collection appointment is at the end of this month. By next month, God willing, I will have the answer I’ve longed for since pregnancy. Even though I already know- and can tell by looking at my little girl- to have it be confirmed will literally lift boulders off of my back.

Everything I do is all for her. My life has changed exponentially. I am so grateful that the universe gave me this perfect little soul to take care of. I am grateful to have more to live for. People tell me I’ve changed. I “look different; happier.” Some even say I “glow.” To me, my body has surely changed and a lot of I don’t like at all and try not to obsess over. But then my thoughts divert- this is the body that is feeding and nurturing my baby. And it is doing a fine job because she is growing like a weed!! Already two feet tall. She’s going to be taller than me, I just know it.

I like where my focus is these days. It’s on life. Not on a man or romantic love. I do have dreams, but thankfully I wake up from them. Family is number one. I spend all my time with my daughter and my family. Money is second. Because babies require money and care. I’m no longer feeling sorry for myself as to where I am in life, what goals I haven’t met, the countless things I’ve done wrong. I just consider myself experienced. And have a clear path to stick to- to lead and protect my daughter through this evil, icky world. Seriously, this world is drenched in evil. Turn on the news and there’s only devastation. That’s why I don’t watch it. I keep up with articles, and my father informs me of conspiracies. Otherwise, my eyes are locked on my baby and the life I’m creating for her.

Some people think a baby is life limiting. Or an end. Thankfully, it was an end to my old life. I was still stuck in it up until the moment I gave birth. Every now and again memories pop up and I am just astonished at how different I think now. And actual GOOD things are happening to me these days! Because I finally live the term, “Do the next right thing.”

So I’m going to try to not count down the days until this DNA collection so I may keep a neutral mind that it’ll happen when it needs to. In reality I’m only half of that equation. But this half will show up.

I would love for my daughter to know her father… those thoughts do come and go. Only if it were healthy for everyone involved. I dread answering questions about “daddy” when she starts to ask them. But I’ll tackle that when it comes. I’ll nurture her mental health.

So… thank you, universe. For this speck of goodness.