I had a realization the other day. 15 months of no sex. And for the first time in my life, I appreciate being sexless. The mere thought of interacting with men gives me the heebie jeebies. I used to base my whole self worth on sex. I used to care if men found me attractive. […]
Earlier this week I got a text that shook me. “Lumi died.” I immediately went to Facebook only to have it confirmed by the beginnings of a flood of love and condolences by the many that she knew. Lumi had succumbed to the serious physical illnesses that began to plague her body in the last […]
Thought I’d stop by the blog to commemorate the fact that I’ve made in one year clean from meth and other hard drugs. Considering the last four or so years of my life I’ve struggled with addiction- especially to meth… and strung together only 7ish months of consecutive clean time before my last fall… I […]
There. Are. So. Many. Thoughts. Joy. Confusion. Doubt. Opportunity. Risks. Losses. CHANGE. What ifs. Choices. Silence. Deal with it. Freak out. Calm down. Excitement. Shame. Guilt. Unfounded yet obvious. Enervating. Girl power? WOMAN power…? Be alone. Sit with it. I did this. I don’t wanna do this alone. But I should suck it up. Out […]
All it takes is a beautiful dream to set me back on the path of sobriety.
Do I want to be right or do I want to be happy? The “I got this” mentality will lead me out to get high. Learning to accept that we do things wrong– how to simply feel it and deal with it- surprisingly seems to be the foundation of recovery, even happiness. This shit is […]
I’ve gained 20 pounds. 193. I swore I’d never reach 200 again. This factor alone is enough for me to seek meth again. I thought my counselor cared. After seeing him only 10 minutes… I’m not so sure. He told me I’m extremely intelligent and my life is going to go one of two ways […]
It hasn’t stopped. Demise part 3?
Another chapter hopes to end.
Diaries of a Former Meth Whore. 