February 17, 2020 My brain is really showing its sickness right now. For some reason the AA open discussion topic last night of hitting rock bottom experiences… really brought some fog into my thoughts. Here I am with the wind tunnel on full blast attempting to keep my mind clear, and panes of glass appear […]
During three hours of group therapy three times a week, my mind tends to venture off into limitless depths. I write down some thoughts and keep them all in the composition journal titled, “Vel’s Recovery Woes.” The beginning of the entries are sinister, hopeless and full of tortuous self-pity. Cancerous thoughts of how the fuck […]
I’ve neglected myself for 12 years. At the age of 16, I started drinking and smoking pot. By 21, I was dabbling in psychedelics and willing to try some things once. By 23, I was a full-blown functional alcoholic. By 25, I was looking for any opportunity to get out of my mind by using safe substances. By 26, […]
I have so much that I have wanted to say in the last couple days. Per usual, words escape me when I begin a new post, unless I’ve written down any of the shitshow playing through my head through the day. Every struggle is prolific. These confusing realizations steam up my always-dirty glasses with rancid, […]
I’ve gained 20 pounds. 193. I swore I’d never reach 200 again. This factor alone is enough for me to seek meth again. I thought my counselor cared. After seeing him only 10 minutes… I’m not so sure. He told me I’m extremely intelligent and my life is going to go one of two ways […]
Here are some thoughts that were running through my head during group today. I was working on a longer blog this morning, so more will come tonight. Hold me to it. December 13, 2019 Who thinks it is cool to die from meth? From addiction, self-sabotage, pressing the “destruction” button on life? Me. That’s a […]
Wrote a lot the day before my detox discharge. An anxious mind may ramble, but what are the true contents? Apprehensive hopefulness.
I was so close to leaving detox early. Thankfully I didn’t
Third night into my third detox attempt.
Here we go again, folks!
Detox days, meth style; without so much of the whore.
Diaries of a Former Meth Whore. 